I've been away for a while gearing up for finals and my 2nd year of college living in the dorms. Stress has been high but today has been very relaxed so that is a good thing. Sadly its also given me time to think because I feel like now if I log on SL sometimes I'm almost being accused of neglecting what's important to me on SL. It isnt any one person and it doesnt matter who said what but I feel hurt by it none the less. The people I have met over the last 3 years have been like my family. There was a time when I needed that family because my rl one was falling to pieces. I was growing up. I was becoming a young woman who needed to have goals and needed focus. I found that focus in Second Life. I found that focus and the love of a family in Second Life. Now it feels like when I have to focus on my life outside Secondlife whether its my education or my financial standing everyone has to make me feel bad for it. Sorry I'm not perfect and I'll never ever pretend to be. Again. It isnt any one person and the "feeling bad" is more of a "well this sucks but what can I do" not a "omg you're breaking my heart I think I might die of agony!" I find the whole thing not that big a deal. I'm sorry I havent been able to say hi to everyone or to check on Freakheim or to check on every ones lives and mental states and all that stuff. That is because I need to take care of me first. If I hear "Do what you have to do" one more time I might scream lol. It's not a matter of doing what I have to do. It's a matter of my priorities have shifted for the time being. I love each and every one of you and you know what? I dont IM Rhyanna or Guen or Kaedy every day to say "hi how are you." They know if the shit gets ugly I have their backs. Saying hi to you doesnt make you my family. Not saying hi doesnt mean I dont care. It means I just didnt IM you and say hi. So i've missed a bunch of Rykk's sets and he has been chomping at the bit to get me in to them and give me a proper music education. I dont see him cryin about it. If he's offended I'm sorry lol I love you Rykk! I text people every few days I IM when my attention isnt zoned into something else. Cant we all just understand that I like time to me too? I'm using all this time away from SL to have it BE time away from SL whether I'm doing homework or even taking time to myself to goof in photoshop or to talk to people on Skype.
On another note. I've noticed a certain level of homophobia directed to my recent partnering of Nyx's alt. She is my wife in my heart because she protects me and honestly she's put up with my bullshit better than Benji or Fox ever could have. Dont like it? I'm sorry but take that up with me. A wife or a husband do not matter to me. Love matters and Nyx loves me like I deserved to be loved by Benji or Fox. I dont descriminate love and I wont take it personal if someone close to me doesnt see it how I do. I know you're all older and you lived in a certain time where love was a man and a woman. Thats not how I feel about love.
As a closer I apologize to those who are offended by what I say in this post but remember please that these are my thoughts and feelings and regardless of them I love all of you equally.
Matta ne!
Ishi 石
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